I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
