We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I faked an abortion last night.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
