I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I want a musical about memes.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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