Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
