There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
