I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
