her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
