1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
