ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
