At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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