Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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