This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
