First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
