I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
