U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
