im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
