Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
