the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
