im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
