I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
