I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
