somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
