i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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