the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
