I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
