she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
