if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
