His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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