Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
