Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
