Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
