SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
