Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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