And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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