The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize