I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
