I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
