Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize