So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
