i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
