I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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