Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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