I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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