I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
