addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
