barbara walters just said penis...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
