I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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