Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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