Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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