the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
As shirtless as possible
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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