I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
