im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
