I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
