i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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