I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
