I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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