sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
