If i could tip my vagina, i would.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
