Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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