Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
