The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
