TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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