Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize