Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
