Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So much rum. So many feels.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
did i just pee glitter
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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