I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize