Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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