Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I DEMAND FORESKIN
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
