We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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