I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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