Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
