my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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